HERE.
"Show up. Dive in. Stay at it." In his farewell address, our beloved 44th President Barack Obama left us with this charge; words my heart resonated with because, even though he said this in the context of our participation in democracy and the political arena, that is what my life has been about for the past few years. It's what the Lord called me to and it's what I am learning to embrace more and more.
You ever just sit and wonder how you ended up where you are right now? My goodness, I can't tell you how many times I tried to make other plans.. how many times I thought I'd be doing something else by now.. how many times I tried to avoid where I'm at right now.. but nope! God constantly reminds me that He's in control and let me tell you, it can be frustrating at times, but it is a very good thing.
Let's rewind a little bit. Towards the end of high school, this genius thought he was going to go away for college - like UC Berkeley or UCLA. Well, they messed up and rejected me so I ended up staying in San Diego. Gosh, that first year was miserable. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do and I was frustrated. I went in as a Computer Science & Engineering major (I mean, smartest in the family, of course I'mma make bank right?) but quickly knew that I couldn't see myself doing that as a career. At the same time, I was involved with ministry, leading Young Life and stuff, and I enjoyed it. For a while, I entertained the idea of becoming a teacher. After like 5 major changes and deciding not to drop out of college, I chose to stick it out and get out of that joint as quickly as possible so I could go to seminary, possibly become a pastor, but definitely go into ministry. Then came the second time I thought I would leave San Diego (or third if we want to count one of my plans for when I was going to drop out of school). I got into a seminary in St. Louis but didn't get as much scholarship money as I wanted so I made the decision to put seminary on hold, which eventually led to the decision to forgo it, for a number of reasons which I'm still not sure were fully right. (For my unqualified, 21 year old rambling on education, read here! Or for my current thoughts including the whole seminary deal, ask me about it)
So here I am. Too much of my life has been spent looking forward to what's next. But I'm realizing more and more that it's far more important to embrace where I am right now. Last year was a huge year of transition for me (which I don't think I've ever been very good at dealing with). After deciding not to go to seminary, I started to come terms with the reality that maybe there was no "next stage" to work towards.. maybe I should just embrace where I was at. I know that being so focused on the future hindered me from being fully present in the present. Then, I had to deal with friends, including two of my best friends, moving away. Add the craziness of life in general and my wrestles within and man, there were times when life was just a little too overwhelming for me.
To start this year, after a great deal of prayer and thought, I stepped away from being on staff at a church (I had been on staff at my church for about 4 years). Part of me felt like it didn't make sense. (Look, I don't know if I'm ever doing anything right.. that's kinda one of the themes of this whole post). I mean, I wanted to go into ministry, right? But part of me felt like it was the right thing. A step of faith, I guess, and by taking it, I knew that this year I would be facing an ocean of uncertainty. What would be next? How long would this go on for? How would I make money? What will life look like? Shoot, what the heck am I going to do with my life? Yet, I've been able to navigate through this season with a strange sense of peace (at least so far). Not only that, but I think God is giving me some sort of direction.
Not too long ago a friend asked me why I love Mira Mesa so much. It's hard to explain, but there's a uniqueness to this place that I've come to appreciate. Maybe it's because it never really fits in, always in between. Maybe it's the grind or the resiliency. Maybe it's the chip on our shoulder. Whatever it is, if you're from here you know that there's a certain identity to this place that makes it special. And after all these years, I now have a fresh sense of pride in where I'm from. San Diego is home. City Heights laid a foundation. The Mecca raised me. And it's here that I've been learning to embrace where I am. As I've planted my feet here over the years, I think it's the people. And the experiences with them that make me feel so connected to this place.
For the past year and a half, I've been substitute teaching. I picked it up as a way of making some more money. And it was one of the few things I could think of that worked with my schedule because I wanted to continue coaching and doing ministry and all that. Plus, being a teacher was always on the table, but something I kept wrestling with. For the most part, it's been a bunch of sporadic jobs, picking up work here and there and taking days off when I want too (which is all the time). But shortly after stepping down from my other job, it was as if God was setting something up..
In the middle of January, I took on a long-term sub position in a math class at Mira Mesa High School. This was the perfect opportunity to have steady work and check out something that I was considering for a while. I had no idea how long I would be there, but I dove in. My first day I kept telling myself, "I just want to do right by these students." It was a crappy situation for them. Here they were in the middle of the school year, their teacher had been gone for a few weeks already and from what I learned, they had a bunch of random subs during that time and didn't really learn much. Plus, by the time I got there they were a couple weeks away from semester finals. So, that whole first day I read up, studied, looked through what we needed to know, and figured out how I was going to teach it. Trial by fire, right?
Little did I know that those 45 days in that classroom would be a huge turning point for me. I had no idea that I would get comfortable being called Mr. Trieu rather than just Coach or Trieu. I had no idea that they would adopt me as their teacher and some even as their Uncle Eric (don't ask, 'cause I have no idea). I had no idea that they would make such an impact on me. There were even Mondays when I was excited to be back. It was bittersweet when I found out that it would be over, but I'm so grateful for that opportunity. At just the right time, in this season of uncertainty, God provided me with some clarity through this. It just fit in with everything I've been doing already.
This day, a year ago, was a defining moment in my life. Third season as the jumps coach at Mira Mesa. League prelims/finals for triple jump and I was ready for my senior captain to qualify for CIF. She worked her butt off over the past few years, constantly improving, and this was it. Man, I had no doubt that she would break the school record. After practice the day before, I sat there on the track for a couple hours praying and excited to celebrate once she hit that mark. I couldn't wait. So there we were. We were doing pretty well on the day so far, with a handful of my jumpers PR'ing. I was nervous, but feeling good. First jump, foul. But she was running well and her jump was pretty good. Still confident, we just made some adjustments as usual and got ready for the next jump. Second jump, there it was. As soon as she took off I knew that was it. 33' 10" was what we needed and it was past 34' for sure. Just measure it and.. Wait, foul? What the heck are you looking at? That was clearly on the board. But I didn't argue. She had another jump, so we just adjusted again and got ready for that. Third jump, fair mark. A little relief. Wasn't her best, but should be enough to get her into finals for another 3 jumps. So we waited as they organized the flight for finals. They announced names.. and her's wasn't called. No way.. It didn't happen.. She worked too damn hard for this.. This can't be real.. I felt so helpless in that moment. I had no idea what to do. I still had to continue coaching the rest of the day, but it was so hard to stay focused. And we were doing great too. More PR's. Three of my guys made it to CIF. But joy had escaped me. As a coach, I constantly try to display and instill confidence and strength. In that time, I was weak. Grieved. Pissed off. And by the end of the day, after fighting back and forth, the walls I built were no longer strong enough to hold back the tears. I hardly ever cry but here, shoot, I couldn't stop for like the next 24 hours. I couldn't get over it. Don't know if I am yet. What am I supposed to do when her success was taken from her? I wasn't prepared for this. I blamed myself for being wrong. For not fighting for her right there. For falling short. For failing her. I was angry that such a terrible call was made. I was confused. It was so surreal. Man, it broke my freakin' heart. She deserved that more than anyone and I just wanted her to see that everything she had put in throughout her career was worth it.
But it was through this that I also realized how much I love being able to do what I do. Or more than that, who I get to be. I get to be Coach. Teacher. Leader. Brother. Friend. Uncle. I get to be a part of building families. For the past 7 years, I've been giving my life away and that ain't gon' stop. You don't know how many times I've wanted to quit. But when I think about everyone I've met, whether through Young Life or coaching and now even teaching.. shoot, often times they are the fuel that keeps me running. Why do I do this? For them. It's about them and it always has been. The stories are endless. I wish my time with them wasn't so limited. We've celebrated together. We've shed tears together. We've walked through so much of life together. I pray for them far more than I do for myself. They've stolen my heart. Gosh, there were times when I almost shed a thug tear just seeing their excitement in saying hi to me. 'Cause I know what they mean to me. I cherish the relationships in my life dearly. I am not me without them. And I find so much life in getting to be part of their lives. And whatever it looks like, whether it's ministry, coaching, teaching, all of the above, or something else.. I just want to keep doing this. I'm not too sure about many things in my life, but I think the Lord has made it clear that this is where I'm supposed to be. And I'm here to stay. Ten toes down. Being to others what Christ was and is to me. This is me yo.. right here.
You ever just sit and wonder how you ended up where you are right now? My goodness, I can't tell you how many times I tried to make other plans.. how many times I thought I'd be doing something else by now.. how many times I tried to avoid where I'm at right now.. but nope! God constantly reminds me that He's in control and let me tell you, it can be frustrating at times, but it is a very good thing.
Let's rewind a little bit. Towards the end of high school, this genius thought he was going to go away for college - like UC Berkeley or UCLA. Well, they messed up and rejected me so I ended up staying in San Diego. Gosh, that first year was miserable. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do and I was frustrated. I went in as a Computer Science & Engineering major (I mean, smartest in the family, of course I'mma make bank right?) but quickly knew that I couldn't see myself doing that as a career. At the same time, I was involved with ministry, leading Young Life and stuff, and I enjoyed it. For a while, I entertained the idea of becoming a teacher. After like 5 major changes and deciding not to drop out of college, I chose to stick it out and get out of that joint as quickly as possible so I could go to seminary, possibly become a pastor, but definitely go into ministry. Then came the second time I thought I would leave San Diego (or third if we want to count one of my plans for when I was going to drop out of school). I got into a seminary in St. Louis but didn't get as much scholarship money as I wanted so I made the decision to put seminary on hold, which eventually led to the decision to forgo it, for a number of reasons which I'm still not sure were fully right. (For my unqualified, 21 year old rambling on education, read here! Or for my current thoughts including the whole seminary deal, ask me about it)
So here I am. Too much of my life has been spent looking forward to what's next. But I'm realizing more and more that it's far more important to embrace where I am right now. Last year was a huge year of transition for me (which I don't think I've ever been very good at dealing with). After deciding not to go to seminary, I started to come terms with the reality that maybe there was no "next stage" to work towards.. maybe I should just embrace where I was at. I know that being so focused on the future hindered me from being fully present in the present. Then, I had to deal with friends, including two of my best friends, moving away. Add the craziness of life in general and my wrestles within and man, there were times when life was just a little too overwhelming for me.
To start this year, after a great deal of prayer and thought, I stepped away from being on staff at a church (I had been on staff at my church for about 4 years). Part of me felt like it didn't make sense. (Look, I don't know if I'm ever doing anything right.. that's kinda one of the themes of this whole post). I mean, I wanted to go into ministry, right? But part of me felt like it was the right thing. A step of faith, I guess, and by taking it, I knew that this year I would be facing an ocean of uncertainty. What would be next? How long would this go on for? How would I make money? What will life look like? Shoot, what the heck am I going to do with my life? Yet, I've been able to navigate through this season with a strange sense of peace (at least so far). Not only that, but I think God is giving me some sort of direction.
Not too long ago a friend asked me why I love Mira Mesa so much. It's hard to explain, but there's a uniqueness to this place that I've come to appreciate. Maybe it's because it never really fits in, always in between. Maybe it's the grind or the resiliency. Maybe it's the chip on our shoulder. Whatever it is, if you're from here you know that there's a certain identity to this place that makes it special. And after all these years, I now have a fresh sense of pride in where I'm from. San Diego is home. City Heights laid a foundation. The Mecca raised me. And it's here that I've been learning to embrace where I am. As I've planted my feet here over the years, I think it's the people. And the experiences with them that make me feel so connected to this place.
For the past year and a half, I've been substitute teaching. I picked it up as a way of making some more money. And it was one of the few things I could think of that worked with my schedule because I wanted to continue coaching and doing ministry and all that. Plus, being a teacher was always on the table, but something I kept wrestling with. For the most part, it's been a bunch of sporadic jobs, picking up work here and there and taking days off when I want too (which is all the time). But shortly after stepping down from my other job, it was as if God was setting something up..
In the middle of January, I took on a long-term sub position in a math class at Mira Mesa High School. This was the perfect opportunity to have steady work and check out something that I was considering for a while. I had no idea how long I would be there, but I dove in. My first day I kept telling myself, "I just want to do right by these students." It was a crappy situation for them. Here they were in the middle of the school year, their teacher had been gone for a few weeks already and from what I learned, they had a bunch of random subs during that time and didn't really learn much. Plus, by the time I got there they were a couple weeks away from semester finals. So, that whole first day I read up, studied, looked through what we needed to know, and figured out how I was going to teach it. Trial by fire, right?
Little did I know that those 45 days in that classroom would be a huge turning point for me. I had no idea that I would get comfortable being called Mr. Trieu rather than just Coach or Trieu. I had no idea that they would adopt me as their teacher and some even as their Uncle Eric (don't ask, 'cause I have no idea). I had no idea that they would make such an impact on me. There were even Mondays when I was excited to be back. It was bittersweet when I found out that it would be over, but I'm so grateful for that opportunity. At just the right time, in this season of uncertainty, God provided me with some clarity through this. It just fit in with everything I've been doing already.
This day, a year ago, was a defining moment in my life. Third season as the jumps coach at Mira Mesa. League prelims/finals for triple jump and I was ready for my senior captain to qualify for CIF. She worked her butt off over the past few years, constantly improving, and this was it. Man, I had no doubt that she would break the school record. After practice the day before, I sat there on the track for a couple hours praying and excited to celebrate once she hit that mark. I couldn't wait. So there we were. We were doing pretty well on the day so far, with a handful of my jumpers PR'ing. I was nervous, but feeling good. First jump, foul. But she was running well and her jump was pretty good. Still confident, we just made some adjustments as usual and got ready for the next jump. Second jump, there it was. As soon as she took off I knew that was it. 33' 10" was what we needed and it was past 34' for sure. Just measure it and.. Wait, foul? What the heck are you looking at? That was clearly on the board. But I didn't argue. She had another jump, so we just adjusted again and got ready for that. Third jump, fair mark. A little relief. Wasn't her best, but should be enough to get her into finals for another 3 jumps. So we waited as they organized the flight for finals. They announced names.. and her's wasn't called. No way.. It didn't happen.. She worked too damn hard for this.. This can't be real.. I felt so helpless in that moment. I had no idea what to do. I still had to continue coaching the rest of the day, but it was so hard to stay focused. And we were doing great too. More PR's. Three of my guys made it to CIF. But joy had escaped me. As a coach, I constantly try to display and instill confidence and strength. In that time, I was weak. Grieved. Pissed off. And by the end of the day, after fighting back and forth, the walls I built were no longer strong enough to hold back the tears. I hardly ever cry but here, shoot, I couldn't stop for like the next 24 hours. I couldn't get over it. Don't know if I am yet. What am I supposed to do when her success was taken from her? I wasn't prepared for this. I blamed myself for being wrong. For not fighting for her right there. For falling short. For failing her. I was angry that such a terrible call was made. I was confused. It was so surreal. Man, it broke my freakin' heart. She deserved that more than anyone and I just wanted her to see that everything she had put in throughout her career was worth it.
But it was through this that I also realized how much I love being able to do what I do. Or more than that, who I get to be. I get to be Coach. Teacher. Leader. Brother. Friend. Uncle. I get to be a part of building families. For the past 7 years, I've been giving my life away and that ain't gon' stop. You don't know how many times I've wanted to quit. But when I think about everyone I've met, whether through Young Life or coaching and now even teaching.. shoot, often times they are the fuel that keeps me running. Why do I do this? For them. It's about them and it always has been. The stories are endless. I wish my time with them wasn't so limited. We've celebrated together. We've shed tears together. We've walked through so much of life together. I pray for them far more than I do for myself. They've stolen my heart. Gosh, there were times when I almost shed a thug tear just seeing their excitement in saying hi to me. 'Cause I know what they mean to me. I cherish the relationships in my life dearly. I am not me without them. And I find so much life in getting to be part of their lives. And whatever it looks like, whether it's ministry, coaching, teaching, all of the above, or something else.. I just want to keep doing this. I'm not too sure about many things in my life, but I think the Lord has made it clear that this is where I'm supposed to be. And I'm here to stay. Ten toes down. Being to others what Christ was and is to me. This is me yo.. right here.
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Prayers and Blessings - Coach Cole