ave

The fall did not break me

nor did the days where solace remained absent

    but heavy was the alone that tested my resolve. Nights

where I was left to catch myself taught me

    to be proud of this spine

not because it is strong

    but because it stood

    in the face of the shadow of doubt that sought

to unsettle this being.

No longer do I wait to be saved;

                                                 I know no one is coming.

   I’ve interrogated my heroes enough

                  to no longer marvel

     but I will not wear the cape,

                             will not mask myself in grandeur,

I cannot assume such a mantle.

 How silly I was

         to believe fairy tales for so long

          letting naiveté linger as if it could shield me

   but the onus of age caught up

           the illusion of innocence dispelled

I have learned,

Hide and seek is actually a really stupid game..

‘cause when you run in life people don’t always come to find you

  At what point did I become unmissed?

                               Is my name slant in memory

                   Or does it hang like a question mark?

I can now remember without longing,

                   without the stifling of anger and bitterness.

         I've seen the hollow of applause

                  and decided that this world has

   no right to my heart

        so I will wear it under my sweatshirt

     and I will celebrate that in me

                              which grows in silence.

There is a difference between

       what is lost and

                    what is taken

     so what was I bound by

               if not my own fragility?

I am reclaiming the parts of me that I allowed to

       wander. Holding them sacred the way

                 solitude held me as we danced through night

    feet sifting through the rubble

of walls I tore down

                    and those I am now rebuilding

I found that these wings can still spread -

      How this flight be

                               both exodus and renaissance,

                    deconstruction of argument.

    What strange freedom, in agreement with distance..

                   This motion, rebellion against pain

          shaking off the dust of shame

                and peace be not devoid of fight

      but wholeness in its midst.

I laid myself bare before the wind

        surrendered to its whisper. Prayed

            for release from

                      the burden of attachment. From fear of

                            unsaid goodbyes. From

                    voices that suffocated me insecure

       and as moonlight cut through the clouds

          it reminded me that my smile still knows how to return

     the sun still sings to the day

  this soul can still mend
though not without scars

     I can still breathe

 the sky, in all its vastness

              playground of hope

And in this air

I can finally feel like somebody,

                                                 again.

                         And isn't that it?

To be,        unapologetic.